December 2010
32 posts
“Time is a sort of river of passing events, and strong is its current; no sooner...”
– Marcus Aurelius
Okay
I awake to another day but still I try to squeeze a few more winks of shuteye. stay still. Stay dark. Stay peaceful.. No action, no pain nothing but the silence of nature calling. But I ignore it until I grudgingly get up and then the light goes on.
Clean the face, wash the teeth, and try not to think.
Tidy it all up. Organize it all. Listen to the little somethings of never more.
Dream of...
Midnight Gunner
I killed a lot of zombies these last few days. Blew all their brains out one by one with Molotov cocktails, pipe bombs, and shot guns. It’s a relief a to have a simple world to reside in with a linear map and clear objectives. Sure it’s repetitive but it’s easy to get good with a single minded devotion.
Knowing what’s next, my senses get sharpened and I always make sure to...
“Every day I fight for all my future somethings, a thousand little wars I have to...”
– Natasha Bedingfield
tasteless
I have a hankering for some bacon right now. I’m not much of a chef but simple slices of white bread and bacon make an excellent combination on most nights.
There are plenty of options to choose from but it’s all the same. Funny how with each new algorithm it all ends up corrupted in other ways.
What I really desire is to have all the good with none of the bad. none of the...
Hygiene
I don’t like going to the bathrooms on campus because they’re often really dirty and nasty. People aren’t very considerate when it comes to picking up after themselves and having good hygiene. I suppose you could chalk it up to laziness but it makes me cringe inside seeing guys take a piss and then not washing their hands.
I suppose UCSD has a one up on SDSU in that area....
Holly Jolly
Spirit: Hey guys what makes you laugh?
Social: Beer makes me laugh a lot more than usual.
Physical: Tickling. It's a stimulus response thing.
Mental: Ironic and awkward events that contradict known expectations by the participants involved.
Spirit: Oh interesting, I was just wondering because lately just been feeling humorless.
Social: Dude you need to hang out with some hombres. Me thinks you are just deprived of some good together time.
Physical: Yeah maybe you need to go exercise some more. Sounds like you're just outta shape. Check out your roommate. He's just in his room lifting weights all day.
Mental: Go read a book bro. It sounds like you could use a few jokes.
Spirit: Yeah you're all right. Lately just been playing video games but I feel a bit disconnected. although I've gotten pretty good at being alone.
Social: It's okay. Everybody is just doing their own thing. It's nothing spectacular. Just simple things. not like they go out and do life changing things every day. Just living is all.
Physical: Yeah just breathing. Eating. Pooping and taking showers. Walking and sitting. It's all movement and use of energy in one way or another.
Mental: It's all perception. You do whatever you want to do but don''t sit worrying about what is happening or how others may judge because it's ambiguous in totale. Whatever you do, just pursue it vigorously and be invested.
Spirit: Maybe I'll walk my dog. Go get myself a Costco dog. Although it's raining outside. The world sure seems Grey.
Social: You never know you might meet some people. You just got to make an effort and not be mute.
Physical: Get your heart pumping and your blood flowing. Nothing good came from just being stagnant.
Mental: might as well go do it. You need to stimulate you brain. Time only flows forward.
Spirit: Alright Imma go. Later brothers.
Social: Hasta luego.
Physical: No pain, no gain!
Mental: Carpe Diem.
“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become...”
– The Wise Man
“O, monks! Why should every female, male, layperson, or priest always consider...”
– Buddha
Friendship →
“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude,...”
– Charles R. Swindoll
Thirsty Thirst
Me: Damn my throat is killing me it's so freaking dry!
Dillon: Why don't you go drink some water?
Me: I'm lazy..... I also need to pee but I hate getting up.
Dillon: Shouldn't you be studying or something?
Me: Yeah I should but procrastination is way way easier.
Dillon: Why do we always seem to wait till the last moment and have it all explode in our face?
Me: I suppose it's just easier and less time consuming although the anxiety makes me irritable.
Dillon: Yeah you are a jerk most of the time. Can you saaaaay Defense Mechanism?
Me: Shut up! It's just I don't really want to give a shit. Either ways graduation is just a class away.
Dillon: Sorry for making you feel bad. We knew it was going to happen eventually.
Me: Don't sweat it. Who else could I banter with anyways? You're the one I confide in.
Dillon: Thanks, that really means a lot. You're not alone you know that, right?
Me: The main issue is that there are too many options out there and I just don't know what to do.
Dillon: you and everybody else. Everybody says they know, but nobody is entirely sure.
Me: Maybe that's the point. I get bored easily and I'm mean. Blame it on high expectations.
Dillon: Always been the perfectionist. It's that negative stereotype of the model minority.
Me: Oh yeah I guess I do have feelings of inferiority. I want to be the best at everything.
Dillon: Yeah, but you can't be. There's always someone out there who is just a little... more.
Me: That doesn't really motivate or encourage me. Kind of overwhelms my initiative, if anything.
Dillon: Well don't go jumping off any bridges. Who says you can't do what you want anyways?
Me: Yeah I guess it's society. My parents, and my peers. I can't blame it on them though.
Dillon: Pish posh they're just looking out for you. They want the best for you, whatever that is.
Me: True I guess I don't want to let anyone down and I don't even seem to care that much.
Dillon: Yeah, the point is to enjoy being alive and to survive. Too many things to suffer already.
Me: I don't want to be a bum or work at Wal-Mart of McDonalds. That's pretty pathetic.
Dillon: Hey money is money. You got to do what you got to do. We all got bills to pay.
Me: Yeah I'm just being a douche bag. someones got to do the dirty work.
Dillon: That's more like it. I know it's a fight between creativity and giving in. Balance them.
Me: Yeah I know it's not supposed to be fair but if only I could win that lottery jackpot.....
Dillon: Heh dude, that's statistically unlikely. You're better off just saving all those wasted dollars.
Me: Damn, if I did things a bit differently knowing what I know now, everything would be so easy.
Dillon: Well, it's not too late to start now. Stop dwelling, it's self-defeating.
Me: Alright. I'm still alive. People kill themselves or mess up their lives thinking they have it so bad.
Dillon: So true. They just don't take enough time to think things through or relax.
Me: I guess I'll study with what I can tomorrow. I got a lot to work on. but it's only a couple of tests.
Dillon: That's the spirit! Be proactive and everything will come to you, one way or another.
Me: I am so hungry. Hitting up K-Sandwiches later for sure. tired of Costco dogs and McDoubles.
Dillon: That sounds really good right now.
Me: Time to pee!
Dillon: Don't forget to drink a nice cold glass of water! Remember who you are~
We Know
There’s been too much that’s been left unsaid.
Making my choices and as I thought ahead.
It was no mistake, deliberate choice instead.
Growing weary of things that stayed the same.
So afraid of embracing what was changing.
On my own in this unique path that I walk.
I stopped caring about those little things.
To want something more than whatever I had before.
I learned so much...
“The unreal is more powerful than the real, because nothing is as perfect as you...”
– Chuck Palahniuk
