December 2011
2 posts
October 2011
1 post
July 2011
1 post
Worth
I used to have a lot to say but my life has slowed to a crawl and I feel uncertain about what to do.
Youth is a wonderful thing and it’s nice to look back knowing how blessed I have been and sad to know that I cannot do things again in the same fashion of innocence.
Reality is really just a mental mindset. I’ve grown lazy and into a sense of entitlement.
It’s all social. A...
May 2011
1 post
rest
I can’t think of anything. Forgetful and less concentration. Hardly matters anymore. Don’t want to wake up. Just another lousy day. Nothing to be proud of. Just another cold day. If it would end. Waiting for it. In due time. Exhale.
April 2011
1 post
Listen
March 2011
4 posts
“Let me tell you something, kid. Working sucks, okay? Working sucks! And it...”
– Bill
Listen
Sparkletts, Peanut Butter, & Oatmeal
We all end up in situations of our own temperament don’t we?
It all starts with a little seed and it grows or wilts with action or avoidance.
I’ve cleared everything to the minimum, throwing out what is unnecessary and also probably some things I will end up needing later. It’s all temporary. It’s hard to accept that I don’t have a lot of control over the...
February 2011
9 posts
Leaning
It would be nice if I could go into cruise control with my life. As if I knew why.
I look around at my surroundings and all I see are four blank walls. A reflection of my limited viewpoint and personality.
Losing the ability to create cuts off my desires for even trying. I used to be able to effortlessly do things through sheer will or concentration but now I find it’s so much easier to...
grumble
Watching people is something I should do more of. It’s weird sitting in the computer lab looking out the window hoping to see someone familiar but seeing all these strange faces instead.
I just started thinking about how being here the last five years feels like a dream and slowly I’m waking up to a dreary reality of being lost.
I guess everybody deals with life in a different way. I’ve felt...
My Kind
Wow, everything feels sort of trippy right now. It’s early morning and the sun hasn’t risen. Everyone else in this apartment is asleep. I feel…. alone. But it’s a nice feeling. The feeling of potential. Thoughts of possibility weaving around me. Maybe it’s just the perfect blend of lack of sleep and managing to forget all my worries for the briefest of seconds. Maybe...
Habituation
Today’s just another day like any other
I can’t remember the significance anymore
Nowhere to go and plenty to do
Years go by and it’s all the same
Silent chatter and repetitious motions
Lots of time to kill but no cares to share
Everyone will disappear but have no fear
I’ll still be there
Equipment
I’m linked, connected, stacked, locked, and loaded.
Wireless connections through my veins into my brain. My eyes see as my fingertips touch the surface of a second identity.
The camera in my bag, the I-touch in my pocket, the phone in my jacket and the world all around.
Music in my ears, messages from my peers, and all the photos of my friends that I hold dear.
I often tell myself that I...
grandiose
A nihilist is a man who judges of the world as it is that it ought not to be, and of the world as it ought to be that it does not exist. According to this view, our existence (action, suffering, willing, feeling) has no meaning: the pathos of ‘in vain’ is the nihilists’ pathos — at the same time, as pathos, an inconsistency on the part of the nihilists.
—Friedrich...
January 2011
24 posts
Monotonous
We design the game in our minds until there is no more time. Whatever happens has happened before and will happen again. All through the years through all the breaths of air we take. It’s prime.
I don’t know what’s left out there that I haven’t already visualized in here. What do I care? I used to think it was all so rare.
I don’t have the courage to die but...
Keeping An Oath
For the next 16 weeks I will be the best student I have ever been in my 23 years of eye blinking and lazy dreaming. I will complete all my assignments ahead of schedule and be on top of all my responsibilities with greater priority. I will be more patient, less worried, and more grateful for all the chances I get.
I will be much cleaner and organized in all aspects of my life. I will be what I...
Full of Bulgogi
I know I like coming home with a heavy belly. It makes me feel like I’m not all skin and bone after all. I have a strange food high too.
I’ve started noticing that Alcohol doesn’t make me feel the same way anymore. I think I’ve started to develop an aversion or allergic reaction to it. Must just be the social context. It’s liquid courage but when I stay home...
Wherever You Go....
There you are.
I seem to have classes in all sorts of random places. College Square, the Engineering Building, Adam’s Humanities, Arts and Letters, and Library Administration by the 24 study lab.
I know the only reason for this is because Storm Hall is being renovated. I guess if it’s out of sight, it can easily be forgotten. I did notice the new carpeting and wall panels around the...
Dillinosaur
I just got back from my first class of the spring semester and now I am feeling rather peculiar. Maybe I’m just losing my wits. That’s probably all there is to it.
I’m a social turtle and I’ve been hibernating in my shell for sometime but leaving my comatose isolation, I find State to be another place from how it used to be. It’s like going back to your hometown and...
Ennui
Wake up to the sound of cars whizzing by on the 8 freeway. Get off the suede couch with a sore back and a dry throat. Nose all stuffed and blocked up.
“Shit, I’m still alive?” (The daily mantra from within)
No job and school starts tomorrow. Birthday is next week and I feel like there’s nothing to look forward to. Got to apply to graduate but not sure if I want to walk....
Insignificant
Evaporate. Disintegrate. Disappear.
Listen
“By his very success in inventing labor-saving devices modern man has...”
– Lewis Mumford
“Eventually I discovered for myself the utterly simple prescription for...”
– Ralph Steiner
Keeping Trim
Nose hairs grow fast. It’s funny how I wanted to foster something like a mustache but now it’s just weird little whiskers that I get. I guess growing up isn’t what I thought it would be.
Got to keep the lawn nice and trim though. Constant repairs and mop ups on the different aisles. It never looks that nice just because, but through hard work and maintenance.
Having good...
December 2010
32 posts
“Time is a sort of river of passing events, and strong is its current; no sooner...”
– Marcus Aurelius
Okay
I awake to another day but still I try to squeeze a few more winks of shuteye. stay still. Stay dark. Stay peaceful.. No action, no pain nothing but the silence of nature calling. But I ignore it until I grudgingly get up and then the light goes on.
Clean the face, wash the teeth, and try not to think.
Tidy it all up. Organize it all. Listen to the little somethings of never more.
Dream of...
