Worth
I used to have a lot to say but my life has slowed to a crawl and I feel uncertain about what to do.
Youth is a wonderful thing and it’s nice to look back knowing how blessed I have been and sad to know that I cannot do things again in the same fashion of innocence.
Reality is really just a mental mindset. I’ve grown lazy and into a sense of entitlement.
It’s all social. A reputation, a ranking, and a comparison to others in our lives.
Goals and ambitions. If it’s not money, kids, a house, a car and things to own or prestige or showing off or a sense of importance than I wonder what it is we strive for.
It isn’t really about survival but finding a sense of purpose now.
It’s hard for me to see the value when everything feels so cynical and unappealing.
I wish I was a different sort of person…
rest
I can’t think of anything. Forgetful and less concentration. Hardly matters anymore. Don’t want to wake up. Just another lousy day. Nothing to be proud of. Just another cold day. If it would end. Waiting for it. In due time. Exhale.
Let me tell you something, kid. Working sucks, okay? Working sucks! And it doesn’t matter if you’re in a bank, a department store or a doughnut factory, because once you’ve been there long enough, the only thing you’ll care about is when your next pay increase is, how many vacation days you’ve accrued and if your health insurance is gonna pay for the cholesterol medicine that keeps your heart pumping no matter how much shit you’ve worked through it. Then after you’ve gained 20 or 30 pounds because you’re so fucking uptight all the time, you wake and discover you’re working for your father-in-law in a position with a gratuitous title and you’re totally replaceable. And not only is the new guy better at your job, but he’s got a better car and better jokes and better hair! So not matter what you do, you make sure you make a lot of money doing it because it all sucks! And that is one lesson I, as your mentor, can teach you.
– BillSparkletts, Peanut Butter, & Oatmeal
We all end up in situations of our own temperament don’t we?
It all starts with a little seed and it grows or wilts with action or avoidance.
I’ve cleared everything to the minimum, throwing out what is unnecessary and also probably some things I will end up needing later. It’s all temporary. It’s hard to accept that I don’t have a lot of control over the inevitable.
I look at old things and try to remember the feelings but it’s not the same. I can’t ever retrace my steps or go back. I’m all out of juice. Time to switch to the basics.
There’s always another stage to move on to. Each is different from the other. You gain some things in exchange for losing a few things. But that’s just how it is.
Gee I didn’t know people could have sex at 5AM in the morning. Well it’s been a while since the neighbors have been at it I suppose. Reason being that I sleep on the couch in the living room and I have very thin walls and windows. That was quick though. Hmm guess they’re not feeling very energetic tonight…
Yeah my room is the living room… oh wait i hear the girl going at it…. bleh.
I guess I am the type who likes to eavesdrop. Just because life is so plain sometimes. I like drama. Browsing gets old.
I have a dentist appointment in the noon time. I better catch some Z’s.
Good night~
